- Managing Dating Expectations – Suzie the Single Dating Diva
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- 7 Signs You Need to Reset Your Dating Expectations
Managing Dating Expectations – Suzie the Single Dating Diva
Her excitement turned to fear as she walked up to the hostess. Her stomach tightened with nervousness knowing the time of truth was at hand. Her heart pounded as the hostess escorted her to the table where Brian was sitting. She took one look at him and her heart sunk.
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She faked a smile as she thought about the long evening ahead with this man that was not her type. The source of all upsets in our lives is simply in our expectations. In dating , we have expectations that the date will be polite, handsome and pick up the check. Our expectations may even escalate to imagine that they will sweep us off our feet and we will fall passionately in love. Unfortunately, this type of date is very rare. Don't get me wrong, I am not saying to give up on finding "him," but in letting go of our expectation of how and when he shows up.
If Susan would look at the evening as meeting a new friend, an entirely different scenario may have occurred. She would have been more laid back, enjoyed the evening with Brian even if he wasn't her type and might have become good friends with him.
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Brian could have a cute friend that she liked a few months down the line. Instead, like most of us, if something or someone doesn't turn out the way we expect, we shut our minds off from other possibilities. Managing our expectations is a great way to be free from emotional upsets in dating. When you feel someone hurt you, go back and analyze what you were expecting to happen. Did you expect him to leave his girlfriend after he told you he loved you?
Did you expect a commitment after you slept together?
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Did you expect that he would spend every Saturday evening with you? Did you expect he would be faithful even though he cheated on his wife with you? Most people like to blame the other person for their upset, when they should look within to see if it was simply a mismanagement of their own expectations. Being conscious of your thoughts and expectations in any situation helps you manage them more effectively.
If you find that you are worried about the same things or falling into the same type of destructive dating patterns, you may need to do some self-hypnosis to change your thinking on the subconscious level. Most of your expectations were probably programmed in your subconscious at an early age with opinions of others and expectations they placed upon you.
You may then project those expectations on to others and continue the pattern of being the victim. You have freedom to choose the type of people you spend time with and how they treat you.
Accept circumstances and people for who they are, and then you can decide if you want that experience or person in your life. Keep your expectations in check without going into negativity. For example, do not expect bad things to happen either like you are never going to get married.
When you Gchat your bestie post-date, pay attention to what you share. If the first thing you do is make fun of how he pronounced "chianti," it could be a sign you are looking for flaws, Beyer says. Unless he spilled wine down your dress on purpose, cursed out the waiter, and stuck you with the bill, get in the habit of finding something nice to say.
If you notice yourself falling into "blah" relationships, think about how you describe these guys to your friends.
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Instead of settling for any guy who wants to spend time with you, be sure you're excited to see your boyfriend. Part of the fun of dating is going out on the town, but being equally cool spending an evening at home is key for a long-term relationship.
7 Signs You Need to Reset Your Dating Expectations
Alternate high-octane dates with low-key hangouts to see if the connection holds up minus the glitz and glamour. But when you get intimate too quickly, you may feel like you know each other better than you actually do, Chlipala says. Plus, if it tends to happen a lot, it could be a sign that you might be insecure about relationships and are using sex as a way to hold a guy's attention.
But if you hop right to the sack, you may be sending the wrong message.